Feeling Sexy After Breast Explant

It doesn’t happen overnight, you don’t just wake up and feel like you’re not good enough. This feeling is instilled in us since we were little girls. It builds up over time until one day it takes over. We start examining every part of us and why it’s not good enough. It is at this time do we make decisions to alter our bodies whether this be lip injections, face lifts etc. And sometimes some women choose surgeries. And that’s okay because if that’s what makes us happy in the end if that’s what gives our best selves to our kids to our friends to our families then that’s okay that’s what we needed to heal. But other times all these things don’t help, because in our heads we are still not good enough. And sometimes these things that we do to ourselves make us even more sick and not just emotionally but physically. I’m here to share a story of strength and courage. If you want everyday encouragement and a reality check, somebody who is real and honest, then do yourself a favour and follow this girl @missroyallyfit

I’ve wanted big breasts for as long as I can remember.

I’m not sure if it was from watching too many episodes of Baywatch as a child, or if it’s just something I’m naturally attracted to, but big breasts as far as I was concerned…equaled sexy. 

When I became sexually active this belief haunted me and shame around my body started to surface when I was intimate with someone.   

I believed that men would much prefer me to have big breasts, and thus didn’t find me as sexy as my bigger breasted counterparts.  I would often cover them up, make fun of them, and fantasize about having bigger ones.

So, at the age off 22 I got breast implants, and went from a size B to a size C.

I told everyone a story I believed at the time: ‘that I had no problem with my smaller breasts, I just wanted bigger ones because that’s my thing.’

Little did I know, that at the age of 35, when I had to take my implants out for health reasons, I would have to admit to myself that the story I was telling everyone wasn’t true.  I actually did have insecurity around my smaller breasts, and it wasn’t as simple as just wanting bigger ones.

So, now what?

I decided I had two choices.

  1. I could go back to the insecure 22-year-old Ashley, start hiding my breasts again, feel shame around my body, believe that it’s going to affect my sex life, and find something else to ‘fix’ to make me feel better (like the lines on my face I went to a Botox consult for).
    OR
  2. I could choose to be confident by doing the work to focus on rocking the person I am, and no longer put band-aids over things society views as ‘less attractive’.

It took some work, but I chose the latter.

Because of this, now when I look at the boudoir photos I did with my fake breasts, it makes me uncomfortable.  It’s Just. Not. Me.  I look at those and remember the 22-year-old girl that didn’t think she was enough, and pain about how much energy she wasted focusing on how she looked rather than the woman she was becoming.  

Fast-forward to my breast explant, my breasts now have big scars under them, they are misshaped, and smaller than they were before my implants, yet I feel pride when I look at these boudoir photos.  I am proud that I chose my health over my vanity. It gives me confidence to know that I was brave enough to do it.  And I now realize wholeheartedly for the first time in my life, that my confidence will never waver as I age, because it comes from the person I am, the legacy I leave, and the way I make people feel.

Not the way I look.

It’s this attitude, belief and choice that makes me a confident vixen in the bedroom. Not my big perfect tits.

Thank-you Martina, for allowing me to embrace my sexuality post-explant, and seeing something beautiful in me regardless of my breast size.

You are a Rockstar at what you do xo

 
 

 

Photographer

Martina Warwick

boudoir@martinawarwickphotography.com

416.838.8462

Courtice, ON

      

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